Bozeman - hot damn where did the last two weeks go? Also, "Prius... its Japanese for gay."

This is getting bad folks, I'm sorry. I promise to do better. I just figured I'd combine Bozeman into one big post and then, well we were there for much longer than expected. Alot of drinking took place so I've kind of forgotten alot of it already. So it goes.

Tuesday 7/2/13

Joe and I arrived in Boulder in the sweltering heat right around 3 oclock. We'd left Jackson that morning and pounded up through yellowstone. I think I may have mentioned it in the last post but I wasn't a fan of yellowstone, bad drivers to many people. I'm sure its great and had it been different circumstances maybe it would have been better but needless to say... whatever. Its needless to say.

Got in contact with a dude named Rusty, he sent us his address we ran some errands and headed to Manhattan, Rusty is a super chill dude, he offered up his garage and house for as long as we needed and invited us to go float fishing the next day.

We had a barbecue stayed up drinkin' and talkin dirty about a mutual friend till about midnight then crashed out.

Wednesday 7/3/13

Joe has a friend Barton who he had met and ridden with in south america. He lives in Bozeman with a roomate Michele. His house burned about two years ago and he did well on insurance. He is rebuilding his house to be super insulated and sick.  R-Voodoo insulation, the thing has triple paned windows and is all round crazy cool. A Stripper...cough firemans pole too. Anyway we met up with Barton and got some lunch I think. Some more stuff happened and it was time for us to head over to Rusty's to go fishing. Rusty has this sweet raft that has two fishing seats on it. We "threw harware" and fly fished. I was the only one that caught anything. The first thing I caught was tiny and we tossed it back but. About halfway down the river rusty let me do the rowing and he took a turn at fishing. We pulled unto a shoal and guess what I saw! A foot long rainbow trought floundering around and swimming upside down. After confirming there were no leaches I waded in and caught it bare handed. It had an infected tail which I cut off then cleaned it. I was ecstatic and Rusty was bullshit. My rule is if its alive its edible... We finished up the float and headed back to Rusty's I ate the fish for dinner. It was Delicious and I didn't die.

 So as it turns out Tuesday was actually monday.

I forget what we did Tuesday but he had linked up with the honey badgers friends Jess and Andrea, they live on a small farm just outside of Bozeman. Jess is a sick in the head dirtnasty dirtbiker, and he has friends that are better. So i guess Tuesday night I arranged to go dirtbiking with Jess the next Day. Originally Barton and Joe were going to come. Joe floated with Rusty instead and Barton canceled.

The order of these events are all wrong but.... you guessed it, whatever.

So anyway, now that I think about it was Wednesday morning and I was to go riding with Jess. I met him at a local shop at seven, he crushed the Busch he was drinking and stumped out his backwoods. It was then I shoulda known I was fucked but I ignored it and tried to keep the panic to a minimum.

We take off for the mountains and start some nice flowy single track, I'm kinda not really keeping up with him and then shit got real. We broke tree line and start riding along the side of the fucking mountain. Drops of death and the trail is only 6 inches wide. Think goat path. The trail was so thin my oversized pegs were hitting the side of the hill and kicking me out. And the switchbacks, super tight off camber scrail that was lose and my adventure rear tire could find no traction on. It started to get hot. Real hot and my all black klim pants and jacket turned into a solar oven. Sweating, terrified and completely embarrassed by my inability to ride this crazy terrain I focused on staying alive. I was constantly loosing my front or rear wheel of the trail and almost falling to my death. Then out of nowhere this dude on a KTM 300 turns up RIGHT behind me . I dont know how long he watched me struggle along the trail. We got to a point where he could pass me and he zipped right along and caught up with Jess. Jess was awesome the whole time super supportive regardless of it feeling like he was taking his kid brother out riding.

These photos dont do it justice, but it was tough to even take the pictures because I was shaking so hard.

We got a to a semi flat shaded part and Mike the 300 rider was waiting for us, Mike is Jess's business partner -  they build houses together. At this point Its probably been three hours and I'm totally fucking cooked. I've drank a full Hyrdopack of water and sweated three or four. Mike is probably one of the best 100 riders in the world. Last year he competed in a Hard enduro where only 20 riders from around the world were invited. 10 finished he placed fourth. We swapped bikes him riding my 525 with a full tank of gas and I tried his 300. The three is a sick machine, I've never ridden a two stroke before but damn if it isnt like a mountain bike with a motor. Super powerful yet super light, you hardly feel it underneath you. Furthermore it has so much torque it can effortlessly idle through most things. For that type of riding it is probably unmatched. Finally we were descending and we took this trail which was basically a riverbed. Despite my exhaustion and probably heat stroke I rallied and got back on my bike. I was again able to almost kind of not really keep up with jess in the gnarly wet rocky stuff that I'm so used to in new hampshire. A little bit more in my element I felt slightly redeemed.

We ended the ride. It was the fourth of july....

I headed to Bartons and met up with Joe. From Bartons we went to the Livingston Rodeo. We got to the rodeo and they were sold out, we sat outside and asked people if they would sell tickets as they walked in, embarrassing but after about an hour we got four and went in. They didn't collect our tickets from us so we went out and resold them. All and all 5 of us got infor 13 dollars. Not bad. I've never been to a rodeo before but over all I'm not really that much of a fan. I found myself rooting for the animals over the people.

This was at the Livingstone rodeo, hot chick driving a truck with a bumper sticker that that said "Prius... Japanese for Gay"

The only thing that seems even remotely  "fair" in rodeo is the bull riding, those things are a whole lot of fuck-you-up and while its still not "fair" the bull has a real chance at retribution and killing the rider. Then they set off fireworks and played some patriotic bullshit.

Fast forward Joe and Barton and I went riding, Barton crashed and may Have broken his wrist. HE showed us some none deadly riding....

Fast forward again we helped barton rebuilding his new house.

Joe and I did some sweet riding in the bangtails

The smell of purple was intoxicating.

I got a new exhaust to quiet the bike down. It didn't do shit.

Ok so here is a good one.

There is bar called Plonk. They Serve long islands in vases.  I'm flying solo cause everyone else has been going hard with me for the last 6 nights. Some dude says some something rude to me. I tell him I remember my first beer too and ignore it. I start talkin to this kid Danny, hes friends with the bartender, bar shuts down. Bartender Max takes us to an after party, then an after after party then I head home.

Several nights pass I'm out with one of the sub contractors for Barton, I start talking to this cute blond chick, we dance, her friends leave. She stays. She suggests we go to a corner to finish our drinks because of the relentless cowboys who keep hitting on her. I go to the bathroom then to grab her water and shes gone. I'm genuinely concerned about her and I ask another chick to check the womens bathroom for her. No dice. Befuddled I head home, while walking home rude dude from the other night says "Hey man, I was rude to you the other night, I got two girls coming to pick me up, want to come out with us". Its 2am. Sure why not. We go get beer from god knows where and head to his place. Shit gets a little weird and I dip out.

I went riding again with Jess up in the tobacco routes. We did a lot of fishing and zero catching there were tons of BIG fish chasing the lore but they just wouldnt hit it. I guess they were full.. The water was super beautiful and clear. The trails much more manageable. We headed back and got some bomb pizza.

Jess suggested we check out the something called the Brewery Follies. A comedy show in an old mining town called Virginia City. He said we should sit front row.

We went Friday night, they serve beer. The crudest, burliest rudest most politically incorrect jokes. I loved every second of it. How to you circumcise a hill billy?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Gotdam it was great.

We went out on the town and ended up kickin it with the cast members. They were great. I think I tried to pick up the bartender. I think she was pretty nice in saying no. I can't really remember.

We slept in the town park in sleeping bags.

The next day I tried in vain to float the river, totally failed. I was walking and thinking about how I needed chapstick. I look up and low and behold a thing of chapstick on the sidwalk. I picked it up, scraped the top off and enjoyed the funky flavor of sour apple. Life is wierd sometimes.

Joe and I left the next day.

Barton our host:

cOOl dude how holds the record for riding a dirtbike the highest in the world and has also done a round the world trip.

His incredibly attractive, whiskey drinking, politically correct roommate/ landlord who put up with all our nonsense doubling fisting in Bar nine, that's right. She was there.

You know that dirtbike ride I bitched about for like three paragraphs.... She runs that shit. Literally, runs it.

I'm now in Missoula, as soon as i leave (probably two days) I will be back on schedule with the posts. I promise to take more pictures.